Michael Jordan, Batteries, and Aliens

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	The Wisdom of Turtle Boy He's Nearly Well Known !

Sensible Answers
(see fine print disclaimer on bottom of page)

Question 4:

Dear Turtle Boy,
Does Michael Jordan know a lot about batteries?
Janie
Chino Valley, Arizona

Answer to Question 4:
Dear Janie,
      I assume you are referring to the super-good basketball player Michael Jordan, who has been seen on television telling us that a specific brand of batteries is the brand we should buy.

     So perhaps you are really asking why Michael Jordan is advertising batteries.

     Well, interestingly enough, my alien friends (see disclaimer below) also wondered the same thing. They have made quite a study of humans and are particulary confused about television and television commercials.

     Here is how our conversation about Michael Jordan went:

Alien Space Ship Captain (ASSC) asking Turtle Boy about humans:
      "Are all basketball players experts on the energy storage devices you call batteries?"

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Me - Turtle Boy (totally confused - as I was during most of our conversations):
      "Um. Battery experts?"

ASSC (short for Alien Space Ship Captain):
     "Yes. There is a certain human named Michael Jordan who speaks on television. He advises his fellow earthlings to buy certain things, like a particular type of foot wear and a particular type of battery, made by a particular entity you call a company. We have come to believe that he must be knowledgeable about athletic shoes because he is a better than average athlete and therefore has surely made a complete study of athletic shoes. It is logical that humans with less knowledge of this type of footwear would be interested to hear his opinion.
     But we have not, as yet, learned how he came to be an expert on batteries also."

Me - T Boy:
     "Why do you think he is an expert on batteries?"

ASSC (looking a little surprised at my unsensible question):
      "He speaks on television telling millions of earthlings what type of battery to buy. No one would do that unless they knew a lot about batteries. No one else would consider his opinion valid unless they knew he was much more knowledgeable about batteries than other humans."

Me:
     "Um. Yes. That makes sense."

ASCC:
     "So our theory has been that all basketball players must be knowledgeable about batteries. Michael Jordan being one of the best players must also know the most about batteries. We have been trying to verify this theory."

Me:
     "Your theory is that all basketball players are battery experts?"

ASSC:
     "Yes, of course, nothing else makes any sense. But so far we have not found any evidence to support this theory. We have studied many basketball players. We thought it would be easy to find evidence of their great interest in batteries. We expected to find them studying and discussing batteries all the time. Perhaps when they are all huddled around the one called coach during games they are discussing what they have recently learned about batteries. We were sure we would find electrical test equipment filling their homes. We thought we would find them conducting many tests on batteries and sharing their test results with each other. Surely Michael Jordan being the most knowledgeable would be conducting frequent classes to share his battery knowledge with other players. He must have conducted many many tests in order to convince himself that he was sure which batteries were the best ones for people to buy."

Me:
     "I take it none of the basketball players you studied seemed very interested in batteries?"

ASSC:
     "So far we have not found any evidence of interest in battery technology or in the comparative aspects of battery durability. The only time we have even heard them mention batteries was in a few brief discussions about the type or number of batteries that should go into a CD player or flashlight or similar small portable electrical device."

     Well, enough of that. You get the idea. The conversation went on like that for a while. The aliens were basically struggling with what I think your question is really referring to. Why would humans be influenced in their battery buying decisions by someone who probably doesn't know anything about batteries? And it must surely be true that you are influenced. Those companies wouldn't pay Michael Jordan, and other stars, so much money if they weren't pretty sure that it was worth it.

    To be fair to Michael Jordan, I have no idea how much he knows about batteries. But it is probably safe to assume that he has not conducted extensive battery comparison tests to see which brand is the best for the money. It is probably also safe to assume that he, like most other salespersons, is encouraging us to buy a specific brand of battery because he was paid a lot of money to do so, not because he feels strongly about which battery is the best one for us to buy.

    I'll bet you aren't taken in by those commercials. We've noticed from the comments and letters we get, that the people who visit this web site are intelligent and thoughtful. Not the type that would buy a battery because a high paid basketball player on TV recommends it. Right?

But hey, wouldn't it be interesting to conduct some battery tests of our own to see which ones are best. Maybe we should do some battery tests for the web site. It would make a good science project. If anyone does that, let us know, and we will publish the results (if you do a good careful thorough experiment).

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FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER: "Ask Turtleboy" is a whimsical just- for-fun section of FT Exploring. Turtle Boy is a cartoon. The aliens that befriended him and designated him most sensible person on earth were also cartoons (make believe). We do not in anyway endorse a belief in cartoon or non-cartoon aliens zipping around making geometric patterns in wheat fields, cutting up cows, or kidnapping people with funny accents and conducting experiments on them. The cartoon aliens have assured Turtle Boy they would never do such silly things. If cartoon aliens wouldn't be so silly, it surely stands to reason that real aliens (if there is such a thing) would also not be so silly? I mean, come on! Fly billions and billions of miles through space just to sneak around in the dark and make goofy geometric patterns in wheat fields? Why not use paint on parking lots? Or dig little ditches in open fields with their laser blasters? And you think this web site is silly!
END OF FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER